Unemployment: Day 3

As many of you have no doubt learned by now, on Monday I lost my job. For those of you who haven’t already heard the news, you may want to sit down before reading the next paragraph. Ready? OK, here goes:

On Monday I lost my job.

(Dammit, Morrow. I told you to sit down.)

Unemployment is a strange thing, and by “strange” I mean it’s unusual. It’s unusual for me to stay in bed past noon. It’s unusual to have plenty of free time on my hands. It’s unusual to wake up and think to myself:

Me: “Good morning, self!”
Me: “‘Sup, dude.”
Me: “Absolutely nada.”
Me: “So what do you want to do today?”

And, upon thinking this, it’s unusual for me to roll over and go back to sleep. Several times a day.

Other things that aren’t normally part of my daily routine:

  • Lying in bed or on the couch, reading Tumblr and Twitter, playing Words With Friends, checking out Instagram, flipping through Flipboard, catching up with people I miss.
  • Listening to music. Remember music? It’s still awesome.
  • Finally getting up, looking at my pants, smirking and walking away.
  • Watching old episodes of “Parks & Recreation” on Netflix.
  • Laughing.
  • Drinking a hoppy Stone Levitation Ale with my lunch.
  • Reading a book. Remember books? Still awesome.
  • Playing tug-of-war with the dog.
  • Going for a walk. OUTDOORS! Just for the hell of it.
  • Not listening to insipid conversations between insufferable mid-level managers who make more money than I do while contributing almost nothing of value, unless you value resting on other people’s laurels, relentless corporate butt-snorkeling and surreptitious Machiavellian back-room maneuvering.
  • Smiling. A lot.

I’m told that unemployment is a volatile thing, that it can and will change, easily and often. Friends who have been through this before have given me knowing looks and warned me in serious tones that the overwhelming feeling of liberation and relief I’m currently experiencing is likely to be a fleeting, ephemeral thing.

Here today, gone tomorrow. Kind of like my job.

But you know what? That’s fine. I’ll take it. Tomorrow can suck if it wants to. Today? My grass couldn’t be any greener. You can keep your desk chair for now. This bar stool is feeling mighty fine.

Oh, and to the former colleague who apparently reads this blog and reports its contents to Human Resources: Hope you’re having fun with all that paperwork. This beer is delicious. Also, suck it.

57 Notes/ Hide

  1. yayaa said: Are you serious?! geez. I’m sorry that this happened. How did your co-worker find your Tumblr anyway? Asking for just-in-case-wisdom.
  2. ungracefulme said: I’m sorry to hear this. I hope your former coworker rots in hell. What a douche.
  3. wifeoftj said: Hug

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