Letter to Shareholders
This was undoubtedly one of the more turbulent weeks in the history of the Hurtling Toward The Void™ “tumblog.” Severe shortfalls in the areas of wit, charm, countenance and, most notably, hygiene have made a deep impact on our follower count, prompting management to implement emergency measures to overcome the crisis.
It is against this unfortunate backdrop that we have repurposed the blog with the clear objective of more explicitly and shamelessly promoting the broad appeal of its content. Our response to this challenge is an opportunity to display our unwavering commitment to managing the blog in an effective, responsible manner, no matter how difficult the circumstances.
We would like to place particular emphasis on the fact that, in spite of an extremely difficult environment, we have remained true to our core values of Honor, Courage, Obscure References, Cheeto Farts and oodles of accidental pictures of our penises.
While it is true that the severity of the crisis resulted in the unprecedented loss of 14 followers on the day immediately following a well-attended Tweetup, we will strive to remain steadfast in our pursuit of common sense and sound reason, eluding the suffocating tendrils of coincidence and paranoia.
In closing, we would like to formally express our gratitude for your faith in us. We are confident that the changes wrought by this crisis present unique and exciting new opportunities for Hurtling Toward The Void™ and we’ve never been more convinced of its long-term sustainability. We look forward to serving you with only the finest uncredited, reblogged, badly Photoshopped pictures of cats wearing business attire in the weeks, months and years to come.
Chairthing of the Board