November 2011
1 post
October 2011
4 posts
2 tags
THERESA, YOUR DOG STILL HASN'T POOPED ON MY RUG!
I think she might be broken.
Generation X Doesn't Want to Hear It →
Earlier generations have weathered recessions, of course; this stall we’re in has the look of something nastier. Social Security and Medicare are going to be diminished, at best. Hours worked are up even as hiring staggers along: Blood from a stone looks to be the normal order of things “going forward,” to borrow the business-speak. Economists are warning that even when the economy...
2 tags
September 2011
11 posts
There's no need to fear; Underdog is here!
Fans of other playoff baseball teams are making a case for you to support their colors, so I’ll make mine. It’s quite simple, really:
Total payroll of 2011 MLB playoff teams New York Yankees $202,689,028 Philadelphia Phillies $172,976,379 Detroit Tigers $105,700,231 St. Louis Cardinals $105,433,572 Texas Rangers $92,299,264 Milwaukee Brewers $85,497,333 Arizona Diamondbacks...
Queasy like Sunday morning
Dog’s sick. Woke me up four times in the night to go outside.
Actually, that’s not true. He only woke me up once. I never fell back asleep after the first one.
It’s maddening, and not just because I’d rather be sleeping. You wouldn’t believe how fickle the little bastard can be about when and where he’ll take a shit.
Not there. Not there. Not there. Not...
“I feel like I’m talking about myself too much.”
– My girlfriend, while writing a cover letter to a potential employer
Unemployment: Day 100
I’m sitting on the couch (+2 comfort)
drinking a beer (+2 courage)
while drafting cover letters (+2 literacy)
on my iPad (+2 tech-savvy)
to make myself sound ideally suited (+2 cunning)
for jobs I don’t even want (-500 self-respect).
Regarding your Starbucks meme
Like every other social media lemming, I downloaded Foursquare in the summer of 2009 and started using it regularly that fall. Two years later, I still haven’t unlocked the Barista badge, which you get for visiting five different Starbucks locations.
I am inordinately proud of this fact.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-9-11) →
Zeus (14)
Radiohead (12)
Fight Like Apes (4)
The Beta Band (4)
The Apples in Stereo (4)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
On snake oil and elbow grease
Remember way back when someone finally convinced you to make the switch from Windows to Mac? Go ahead and throw away the Advil, they said. Headaches will be a thing of the past. Everything just works! It’s like magic! You just open the box and turn the thing on and away you go! Never again will you waste an entire day trying to get one device to talk to the other. Just put them in a room...
Attention, passengers
In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device.
In the event of a shallow water landing, your tray table may be used as a skimboard.
In the event of a school lunchroom landing, your bag of peanuts may be used in a food fight.
In the event of a Portland, Ore., landing, your seatbelt may be used as a fashion accessory.
In the event of a rich fantasy...
August 2011
6 posts
1 tag
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-8-14) →
John Coltrane (8)
Wilco (4)
The Mountain Goats (3)
Zero 7 (1)
The Raconteurs (1)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
1 tag
ROMMIE, YOUR DOG ALREADY SHIT ON MY RUG.
notactuallyme:
Jesus, you haven’t even been gone an hour.
My attorney says it sounds like you put your rug on my dog’s shit.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-8-7) →
Broken Bells (28)
Wilco (16)
The New Pornographers (9)
Miles Davis (6)
Bear Hands (2)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
July 2011
15 posts
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-7-24) →
Big Star (40)
The Outsiders (9)
My Bloody Valentine (9)
Pixies (5)
Reigning Sound (5)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
1 tag
3 tags
Ta-ra-ra boom-de-ay ... it's Hobo Vagina Day ...
Yeah, I don’t really know where I’m going with this …
1 tag
Hurtling Toward the Void: What Does Your Tumblr... →
My Tumblr name is hurtling, because I called my TumbleLog “Hurtling Toward the Void.”
The name was inspired by a former co-worker of mine named Phil. It’s not uncommon to hear Phil use the phrase “hurtling toward the void” in response to any number of questions about his personal activities. “How’d you spend your weekend, Phil?” “Oh, mostly just hurtling toward the void.” “Have any plans...
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-7-10) →
Nirvana (5)
Spoon (5)
The Beatles (5)
Okkervil River (5)
The Smiths (5)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
June 2011
20 posts
Unemployment: Day 24
Latest entrepreneurial ideas:
Aspara-Bits: Asparagus flavored cereal. Omlaüts: Heavy metal-themed breakfast eatery. Ice cream à la mode: Ice cream served with a side of ice cream. NapGym: Like a gym, only for sleeping. (See also: Executive NapGym.) Self-Googling NewsBots: I have no idea, but they sound awesome.
Unemployment: Day 23
I’ve been contemplating a new potential entrepreneurial venture: A nickname service.
“Names R Us” or “The Fabulous Nickname Boys” are possible business names.
So far I have over five (5) nickname ideas:
Real Name Suggested Nickname John Johnny Steve The Stevester Bob Bo...
Things to do when you lock yourself out of the...
Verify the emptiness of your pockets every fifteen minutes.
Locate a dry, secluded spot where you could relieve yourself should it come to that.
Imagine a fantastic scenario in which your landlord just happens to be dropping by. And she’s with her best friend, Megan Fox! They went to high school together, see. “Let’s get you out of those wet clothes,” she says. And they...
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-6-19) →
Big Star (49)
Modest Mouse (15)
MGMT (2)
LCD Soundsystem (2)
Cibo Matto (1)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
The jukebox *sucks*
Me: "This bar is like Julia Roberts in 'Pretty Woman.'"
Friend: "She's a hooker but she has a great beer selection?"
Me: "Exactly."
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-6-12) →
Radiohead (14)
Harlan T. Bobo (8)
The Beatles (7)
Wilco (5)
The Cure (5)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
“Hey, Robert Frost. You gonna drink that thing or fuck it?”
– sloganeerist at American Drink
1 tag
